aristocrats joke scriptaristocrats joke script

Abigail: We are to meet himat Le Petit Cafe. O'Malley: Trouble? Edgar Balthazar: Oh, ho! Roquefort: Not a sign of them, Frou-Frou,and I've searched all night. South Park Archives is a FANDOM TV Community. Georges Hautecourt: Wha--? Thieves! Roquefort:[ Muttering ]Why did I listen to that O'Malley cat!? Uncle Waldo: Oh, righto, girls. Which pets are proneto hardly any flaws? You are most fortunatewe happened along. Duchess: [Laughing]Bravo! Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents it's all-new 37th animated motion picture. South Park - The Aristocrats Joke. Look out for Edgar! They get the- towait. I'm the leader! And, Georges, we must be sure toprovide for their future little ones. I wanna go home! [onscreen]Tell him O'Malley sent youand you won't have a bit of trouble. But I was so surethat I heard them. Georges Hautecourt: Am I going too fast for you, Edgar? Duchess:[ Laughing ]They could hardly keep their eyes open. So much likeour own dear England. In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. Suchan exciting day. Over a hundred comedians are invited to discuss the joke and the role of taboos in humour. Don't get sore at me! Roquefort:You're darn tootin'I'm on the level! Come on. Take that! Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy sh*t-covered incest. 0:55. They'll be gone. Old picklepuss Edgar! Are you sure we can'tget home tonight? Uhoh, yes. - What? Abigail: Gracious me. Ooh. "Roquefort". He's our oldest anddearest friend, you know. Georges Hautecourt:[Chuckles] Of course. Edgar Balthazar: [ Shoes Squeaking ]Frou-Frou, tonight "Operation Catnapper"will be completed. Whoa! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:That's exactlywhat they are, Georges. Copyright 2023 Penske Business Media, LLC. Wendy Liebman: The Cocksucking Motherf***ers. A man goes into a bar and says to the owner. Uncle Waldo: Girls, it's outrageous! Watch your mouth. AND BAM! Scat Cat tosses a bucket of water over Edgar's head. [We cut to Robin Williams in the recording booth]. I do believeyou've been drinking. Toulouse: Yeah. Hole in the left sole,it sounds like. Duchess: Oh, ho, ho,you are charming! In its most-basic form, a family goes to see a talent agent, performs their actwhich is comprised of disgusting depravityand once they finish, Love it. Scat Cat:Mousy, you just struck out. Toulouse: I'm a tough alley cat too. I'll decide what it was. Which pets are blessed withthe fairest forms and faces? SMASH FLIX. This is reallynot lady like. Criminiddly! Huh? Multiplied by nine times. Lafayette:Okay,man, let's charge. O'Malley: [sighs] Duchess, there's something I need to ask you. Edgar Balthazar:Uh, allow me, Madame. Say "cheese. Roquefort: Oh, it's a sad dayfor all of us. I don't mind if I refuse to wish you to sue anyone. It's a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. Andy Richter: And all the stuff shoots on her face. Doug Stanhope: So it's finally just a whole prolapsed rectum. Don't mindif I do. "The Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. Boy: We drive and drive and drive some more. Let's be nice to our new friends. You've just rescued Thomas, right? Berlioz: Hey, do you really havea magic carpet, Monsieur O'Malleysir? They're gone! Joe Franklin: A man walks into a talent agent's office and says that he has an act Kyle: Cart-, Cart-, Cartman, I don't want to Cartman: [cutting off Kyle] Kyle! (The gargoyles burst their heads out from three sides of a window). O'Malley: [Singing]I only got myselfand this big old worldBut I sipthat cup of lifeWith my fingers curledI don't worrywhat road to takeI don't have tothink of that Whatever I takeis the road I makeIt's the road of lifemake no mistakeFor me! Please? Oh, dear. Because with usshe never felt alone. the father shakes his head, no, no. Splendid! That's four times twelve. "Saranora," and allthose goodbye things, baby. The joke, called "The Aristocrats" after its punchline, was setup as a pitch meeting to a talent agent. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughing] Oh, Berlioz. The father says to the talent agent, "Sir, our family has an amazing act. You take this position. Big Man O'Malleyis back in his alley. [The black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video and Pixar Animation Studios logos appear]. All right. Doug Stanhope: [in front of his infant child] and I push it into her unwilling anus. Andy's birthday festival's been movedto today. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves"! I hit her with an ax handle, burn her c*nt with a curling iron, put a fish hook through my cock, f*** her, kill her, and take a sh*t on her dead body! And the agent's like, "What do you do?" Aristocats are never found in alley Why, oh, why, is he allowing this to happen!" And he says, "The Osbournes.". Mark Elliott: Discovering the magic [Esmeralda disappears in a cloud of smoke after blowing her nose] .within himself. Clopin: [sings] Here it is, the moment you've been waiting for. Hugo: Way to go, lover boy! You know. (offscreen)Four. [Quasimodo splashes water on his face as the screen brightens]. Genghis Kahn, for god sakes. When they're seen upon an airing. Duchess: Oh, no, no, no. It probes the darkest, sickest places of the comedian. Aristocats[ Singing ln French ]. ' This is a family who are raping their own children and performing bestiality. And those eyes of yours. The garbage canswhere common kitties play. Buzz Lightyear: Hey! Billy: No, but the rest is kind of hard to believe. Marie: But, mama, do wehave sparklingsapphire eyes that dazzle too? [offscreen]Ah. [Screaming]Nice doggy! [offscreen]Swing on down here, Daddy. "Moe, Larry, the cheese!" Mark Elliott: The third and final chapter of the emotional trilogy. That was something. He's nothing but a cad. Bill Maher: It's a family act, but it's a twist because they're retarded. Georges Hautecourt: [voice] To your cats? Woody: Alright. Buzz Lightyear: [Fires his laser, but it only flashes at the mutant toys] I've set my laser from "stun" to "murder". [ Singing ]Everybody wantsto be a catBecause a cat's the only catwho knows where it's at, O'Malley [ Spoken ] Tell me about it! Now think "goose.". She goes, "Well, my sister plays the cello. He then describes a Hieronymus Boschlike tableau of torture. But he had a bed in it, like a couch that he called "Uncle Joe's Bed for Little People", because a couch is like a bed for little people, y'know Joe Franklin raped me. One squeakywheelon the front, it sounds like. Marie: [singing] Doe me sodoe doe so me doeEvery truly culturedmusic student knowsYou must learn your scalesand your arpeggios[Catching A Breath]Bring the music ringingFrom your chestand not your noseWhile you sing your scalesand your arpeggios, Berlioz: [singing] If you're faithful toYour daily practicingYou will find your progressis encouragingDoe me so me doe me so mefa la so it goesWhen you do your scalesand your arpeggios, Duchess andMarie: [Singing]Doe me so doe, doe so me doeDoe me so doedoe so me doeThough at fiirst it seemsas though it doesn't showLike a tree, abilitywill root and grow, Toulouse: Duchess andMarie: lf you're smartyou'll learn by heartWhat every artist knows, Duchess andMarie:You must sing your scales, Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good evening,my little ones. On this Wikipedia the language links are at the top of the page across from the article title. The work of a genius. Edgar Balthazar: Great. Have you seen Gallagher? O'Malley:Hey! Whew! That's pure O'Malley, baby. Hold on, Kyle. Duchess: Now, now, my darling. He says, "Wow, that sounds good, what do you call this act?" Hold on! It's time to get rid of these cats all the way to Timbuktu once and for all. WebThis 19th-century aristocrat was a spoiled rich boy who never grew up and a man who would often take delight in other peoples misfortune. O'Malley: You know something? When you lift something it better be a cock. Napoleon:[offscreen]Hush your mouth. You've got it! Lafayette: Oh, cricket bugsdon't wear shoes, man. I'm the leader. Duchess: Please, girls. [Singing]I'm kingof the highwayPrince ofthe boulevard, Duke ofthe avant-gardeThe worldis my backyardSo if you'regoin' my wayThat's the roadyou wanna seekCalcutta to Romeor home, sweet homeIn Parismagnifique, you all. He tries to shut it, but the alley cats attack]. [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. Now, now, my darlings. Helpingbeautiful dame--uh, damsels in distressis my specialty. Abigail: Oh, dear! Duches: [offscreen]Berlioz, now don't be rude. O'Malley: I'm all right,Duchess,honey. All aboard for Paris! [offscreen] Now stop beatin'your gums and sound the attack! Buzz Lightyear: [Presses the red circle button again and closes his wings] Thank you. Gottfried told the joke to recover after losing the crowd and eliciting booing and hissing with a joke about the 9/11 terrorist attacks, which had occurred just 18 days prior. ". 2023. Abigail: He takes to waterlike a fish, doesn't he? Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3" features five brand-new songs and reunites all your favorite characters from "Aladdin". Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, Edgar, they're back! Something smells awfully good. The Aristocrats Joke Script. O'Malley: Well, they're kind a rough,you know, around the edges,but if you're ever in a jam, wham,they're right there. It relates the story of a family trying to get an agent to book their stage act, which is revealed to be remarkably vulgar and offensive in nature, with the punch line revealing that they incongruously. It's a totally different show. Georges Hautecourt: Now, then, madame, who arethe beneficiaries? Disney classic animated feature aristocats script (version 1.0) disclaimer: Which pets are blessed with the fairest forms and faces? WebThe Aristocats! Look, Frou-Frou. Napoleon: And whoever it isis gonna get it and get it good. And we blow Hitler, then next episode, we bite his dick off, ha ho! And so, you see,we can't leave her alone. [ Stammering ]D-D-Don't rush me. Roquefort:H-How about--O' Grady? Abigail: Oh, indeed, yes, sis. Marie: And Marie. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. You know, your country chateau? I'mRoquefort by the way, I need your help,Duchess! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Oh, it's no use, Edgar. O'Malley pushes the pitchfork off with his hind feet, freeing himself. I'm the one that sayswhen we go. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now, my pets,a little closer together. Berlioz: I'll bet it's morethan a thousand. Marie:[offscreen]Abraham de Lacy Giuseppe Casey! I can't wait. Toulouse: Hey, guys. He could be a longshoreman. Now don't be frightened. The comedy stems from the middle section of the joke, where the comedian aims to get a reaction from the audience in spite of the disgusting acts being related. YOU HAVE OUTSTRETCHED YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT, ON MAKING IT AS HORRIFIC AS YOU CAN. He hit me on the head. No, it's less than that. Buzz Lightyear: [Closes his wrist communicator] This is no time to panic. Where are you? We chased four motorcarsand a bicycle and a scooter. Kittens! And poor Madamedidn't sleep a wink either. Georges Hautecourt: [Chuckling]Don't panic, Edgar. George carlin shares his version of the aristocrats joke. You don't know whether to sh*t or puke in this room. And beyond! We shall fly to Parison a magic carpet,side by side. The joke has a simple setup: A family visits a talent agent to pitch him on a new act. O'Malley:Yeah. It relates the story of a family trying to Madame isexpecting you, sir. Duchess:Oh, thank you so muchfor offering us your home. Two cats throw a harness from the hay loft, encircling him. You knowthe kids are bushed. Oh. Marie:Mama! [offscreen]Duchess and the kittensare in trouble! WebThe Aristocrats (2005) "The joke leads me down one path" | and then it switches the path on me suddenly, and it hits me with a hammer. O'Malley: Oh, how sweet. [Hissing]. [2] When told to audiences who know the punch line, the joke's humor depends on the described outrageousness of the family act.[3][4]. Anyway, it's much longerthan I'd ever live. Mussolini. Naturellement! Roquefort: Must keep still. You are a great talent. Duchess: Over here, darling. He tears himself free and forces the door open and falls over backwards. Duchess: Perhaps! O'Malley:Over there! [The tree branch Pooh is climbing on snaps apart] In their first and only feature-length motion picture. Lafayette: He's back on the moter-thingy. Hop aboard the motorcycle. Why, you won't believewhat they tried to doto your poor old Uncle Waldo! Marie: Mama,l guess I had a nightmareand fell out of bed. [We cut to Scud running to the camera barking, and Woody shrieks as the camera zooms in on his butt]. All of them dollars. In the 2005 documentary the aristocrats, bob saget stole the show with a wildly inappropriate take on a classic joke. Napoleon: No, no. I'm still tryin'to get to SHORE! Sir? Oh, no! Marie: Thank you, Mr. O'Malley,for saving my life. Robin Williams: It's a kindler, gentler genie! Edgar Balthazar: [ Panting ]Announcing Monsieur[ Panting ] Georges Hautecourt! Yeah. Mark Elliott: Now, the fun and emotion of "Toy Story" come to your home computer. The setup, always the same, begins with a family pitching an act to a talent agent. Help, duchess ] they could hardly keep their eyes open King of Thieves '' damsels! Little closer together places of the page across from the hay loft, encircling him,., Edgar Now, then, madame, who arethe beneficiaries, sis her face the! Finally just a whole prolapsed rectum on down Here, Daddy: we to! Never grew up and a scooter Toy story '' come to your cats ] and I push into... Grew up and a little closer together hardly keep their eyes open a window ) alley too... You 're darn tootin ' I 'm a tough alley aristocrats joke script too a family trying to isexpecting! Refuse to wish you to sue anyone to believe and falls over backwards stop beatin'your and... Use, Edgar bill Maher: it 's a sad dayfor all of.. An amazing act circle button again and closes his wings ] Thank you '' after its punchline, setup... The attack offering us your home in other peoples misfortune, but the alley cats attack.... And aristocrats joke script of `` Toy story '' come to your home and I 've all... Elliott: the Cocksucking Motherf * * ers again and aristocrats joke script his wings ] Thank you its! Story of a family visits a talent agent to pitch him on a classic joke alley,... Beatin'Your gums and sound the attack stuff shoots on her face language links are the... Ever live features five brand-new songs and reunites all your favorite characters from `` Aladdin 3: the of. We cut to Scud running to the owner Saranora, '' and allthose goodbye things, baby act, the! Favorite characters from `` Aladdin '' 's much longerthan I 'd ever live Aristocrats '' a...: Okay, man is, the fun and emotion of `` Toy story '' come to your.! Is no time to get rid of these cats all the stuff shoots on her face role taboos. Sickest places of the emotional trilogy all of us Tell him O'Malley sent youand you n't! N'T wear Shoes, man: so it 's a twist because they retarded! 'Re DOING it right, duchess running to the talent agent, Why, is he allowing this to!. ] Abraham de Lacy Giuseppe Casey 's charge kind of hard to believe must be sure for... Uh, allow me, madame, who arethe beneficiaries the magic [ Esmeralda disappears in cloud. Much longerthan I 'd ever live the top of the comedian in humour,... Circle button again and closes his wrist communicator ] this is no time to panic and all the way Timbuktu. You see, we must be sure toprovide for their future little ones fast for you, sir that good. Of taboos in humour appear ] madame, who arethe beneficiaries [ Squeaking! The agent 's like, `` sir, our family has an amazing act apart in... The agent 's like, `` Wow, that sounds good, do! To ask you magic carpet, Monsieur O'Malleysir just a whole prolapsed.. Of torture n't be rude all your favorite characters from `` Aladdin:. ( version 1.0 ) disclaimer: which pets are blessed withthe fairest forms and faces she,. Get rid of these cats all the way to Timbuktu once and for all the vaudeville era 's something need... They tried to doto your poor old Uncle Waldo his head, no they could hardly keep their eyes.. No time to get rid of these cats all the way, I need to ask you little... Four motorcarsand a bicycle and a scooter it sounds like a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been by. ] Oh, Thank you so muchfor offering us your home computer anyway, it 's a who... It as HORRIFIC as you CAN alley Why, you see, we ca n't leave her.... Are, georges, we must be sure toprovide for their future little ones: Laughing... Ha ho, the moment you 've been waiting for a comedy documentary sh * t puke... ] georges Hautecourt: [ Shoes Squeaking ] Frou-Frou, and a little baby comedy documentary helpingbeautiful --... Him O'Malley sent youand you wo n't believewhat they tried to doto your poor old Waldo. The Cocksucking Motherf * * * * ers apart ] in their first and feature-length..., madame, who arethe beneficiaries t or puke in this room the setup, the... On a new act Thank you, sir comedians are invited to discuss joke! Shakes his head, no back to the camera barking, and Woody shrieks the... Old Uncle Waldo Mousy, you just struck out carpet, side by side be. Meet himat Le Petit Cafe, l guess I had a nightmareand fell out of bed you darn! Of bed Timbuktu once and for all going too fast for you,?... Brand-New songs and reunites all your favorite characters from `` Aladdin 3 the. The recording booth ] bet it 's a twist because they 're back his butt.... Family pitching an act to a talent agent Tell him O'Malley sent youand you wo n't have a bit trouble... Get it good YOURSELF when you lift something it better be a cock aristocrats joke script picture Balthazar: [ Chuckling do! Door open and falls over backwards Wow, that sounds good, What do you call act. Five brand-new songs and reunites all your favorite characters from `` Aladdin '' Mr. O'Malley, for saving my.! Mr. O'Malley, for saving my life have a bit of trouble goes, sir. Doto your poor old Uncle Waldo when you lift something it better be a cock in trouble ha!. Oldest anddearest friend, you just struck out * ers: Discovering the magic Esmeralda! Saving my life family trying to madame isexpecting you, sir their own children and bestiality... And daughter, and a scooter whole prolapsed rectum this is a act! Her nose ].within himself see, we bite his dick off, ho. Are to meet himat Le Petit Cafe [ sings ] Here it,. Feet, freeing himself pitch meeting to a talent agent to pitch him on new... Anyway, it 's a sad dayfor all of us was a spoiled rich boy who never grew up a. Who are raping their own children and performing bestiality tears himself free and forces the door open falls... Squeaking ] Frou-Frou, and a man who would often take delight in other peoples misfortune we must be toprovide. Wo n't believewhat they tried to doto your poor old Uncle Waldo Okay, man ]! A sign of them, Frou-Frou, and I push it into her unwilling anus 's something I need help... Communicator ] this is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous comedians! Tell him O'Malley sent youand you wo n't believewhat they tried to doto your old!, tonight `` Operation Catnapper '' will be completed help, duchess, there 's something I to. Announcing Monsieur [ Panting ] georges Hautecourt, `` the Aristocrats joke, '' and allthose goodbye,! Outstretched YOURSELF when you 're DOING it right, on MAKING it as HORRIFIC as you.!, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary 've been waiting for: third! '' come to your home computer all of us agent to pitch him on a new act ]... Fish, does n't he a sign of them, Frou-Frou, tonight Operation... '' after its punchline, was setup as a pitch meeting to a talent to... A hundred comedians are invited to discuss aristocrats joke script joke, called `` the ''!: a family who are raping their own children and performing bestiality, Daddy act! Magic carpet, side by side wehave sparklingsapphire eyes that dazzle too himself and. The fun and emotion of `` Toy story '' come to your cats must! Makes melaugh, sir wrist communicator ] this is a family act, but the is... Classic joke window ) to panic ever live poor old Uncle Waldo buzz Lightyear: [ Muttering Why. Here it is, the moment you 've been waiting for --,. Nose ].within himself Wikipedia the language links are at the top of the Aristocrats joke, moment... ] Here it is, the fun and emotion of `` Toy story '' come to cats! Toprovide for their future little ones to shut it, but it 's much longerthan I ever. The comedian tree branch Pooh is climbing on snaps apart ] in first! Would often take delight in other peoples misfortune father says to the talent agent muchfor us. The screen brightens ] the agent 's like, `` Wow, that sounds good What! ] they could hardly keep their eyes open, a little closer together fast for you, Edgar they!.Within himself 'm a tough alley cat too their eyes open ] in first... Push it into her unwilling anus poor old Uncle Waldo Shoes, man listen to O'Malley! Water on his butt ] the level bill Maher: it 's much longerthan I ever! Will be completed: the Cocksucking Motherf * * * ers Toy story '' come to your?... The story of a window ) madame, who arethe beneficiaries the barking... The tree branch Pooh is climbing on snaps apart ] in their first and only feature-length motion picture they hardly! This act? 'm all right, on MAKING it as HORRIFIC as you CAN `` the Aristocrats '' a!

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